Dating in today’s society has become more challenging than ever. Nowadays everyone is jaded and it is exhausting, but being breadcrumbed can be even more exhausting. It’s good to indicate the signs early and have the important conversations in the beginning. When someone won’t communicate that they’re not interested in you, but wants to keep your attention, they breadcrumb you.
What exactly is breadcrumbing? Why are people doing it?
What is breadcrumbing?
Breadcrumbing is when someone gives you the bare minimum, just enough to keep you around, leaving you confused and anxious about where you stand in their lives. Typically, they might’ve lost interest or were never interested in the first place. That does not always have to do with you. Psychology Today defines breadcrumbing as a term for for stringing someone along with small nuggets of communication—but never fully committing to a relationship.
Breadcrumbing can be intentional or unintentional depending on how self-aware the person doing the breadcrumbing is. Master manipulators and narcisissts are well-known for breadcrumbing and leading people on. Again, being breadcrumbed is not something to blame yourself for. It is a manipulation tactic most cowards who are not good at communicating result to. They tend to have a pattern of breadcrumbing, ghosting, and gaslighting.
Signs of Breadcrumbing:
- Inconsistency
- Often go missing for hours or days at a time
- Not following through with plans
- View/like your social media posts without responding to you
- Ignoring the process of trying to make plans with you
- You never know where you stand with them
- Avoid the “committment” conversation
Why do people breadcrumb?
Most of the time they just aren’t ready for a relationship and the responsibility that comes with it. Sometimes people are in a space or not mature enough for responsibility, no matter what age they are.
Feeding off of the attention they get from you. It is indeed a form of manipulation, and if ignored will lead to emotional abuse.
They like you but they aren’t ready to commit. They don’t like you and aren’t ready to commit. Either way, they’re doing just enough to keep you around. Narcissists are popular for treating people this way, as they have a “player” approach to dating and are often only thinking of themselves.
How to avoid breadcrumbing
It’s important to recognize the signs and address them right away. You must have standards and boundaries and not settle for anything less. Trust your instincts. If you feel that you are being treated poorly, its important to communicate those feelings and leave when necessary. You are the only person that sets the standards and expectations for how people treat you.
However, it is important to know that when someone is breadcrumbing you, it is a reflection of their character, not yours. Being breadcrumbed absolutely sucks, but it is good to identify it early so that you can dodge that [potentially long-lasting] bullet. Your self-love has to be stronger than your loneliness. If you’re feeling confused or hurt, remember that someone who truly values you would not treat you that way.
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