She Informs

Category: Guest Post

  • Death and Grief: The Two Ugliest Words

    My favorite picture of my two angels.

    “And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.”

    John 14:3

    Death is unavoidable…sometimes you can prepare for it, other times you cannot. All in all it will still shake you to your core when it happens. I needed to get real with myself and talk about how I am feeling instead of masking with working, sleeping, or simply avoiding. I always think to myself, “Maybe there is a reader out there going through the same thing.” With that being said, let’s try to release it all.

    Grandma Carol: The IT Girl

    My grandma Carol was my girl, I have so many memories from my eleven years with her. Grandma was everything from fashionable, intelligent, quick-witted, and certainly did not take anyone’s crap. My grandma taught me how to read, which I am forever thankful for because, if you know me you know I love a good book. My grandma was also very open with her health issues I will never forget her sitting at her kitchen table, telling my brother and I to watch her take her insulin while saying “take care of your body or you will end up like me.” As I reflect sometimes on her last year on earth, I feel like she knew her time was coming. My family and I went to amusement parks and she was right there with us; she even got on a few rides which was unlike her. She came and stayed with us for a few months too…the best time of my life.

    On October 31st, 2009 she left us. I was at a volleyball tournament and when my stepmom left to answer the phone I knew. I cried, I mourn and I still do. When she passed, I feel like I was okay because she was so open about her health issues. I cherished all of our time together and I remember the last time I saw her. Running into her room, getting in her bed, and saying “I love you, Grandma! See you at Christmas.” Although I did not see her after that day, I was still okay because in a way I said goodbye.

    When it comes to the death of my grandpa…I am shattered.

    Paw Paw Bear: The Gentle Giant

    My paw paw was a man of few words but when he talked you listened. He commanded any room he entered, meant business, but loved to laugh and tell stories. By far he was one of the strongest men I have ever known. I always knew how proud of me he was especially when I graduated from college. Whenever I needed anything he was always a phone call, text, or FaceTime away. He always took care of himself, had a routine that consisted of working out, taking vitamins, mowing the lawn etc. I just knew he would live forever.

    On November 30th, 2022 he left us. The grief behind losing him hurts in a way that is so foreign to me. I am so hurt because I did not get to even hug him goodbye. The last time I saw him in person was over the summer. I was preparing to go on a trip and he was at my families house mowing the lawn. We had a conversation before it was time for me to go on my trip, and I wanted to give him a hug goodbye. He said “I love you, but I am sweaty so I will hug you next time. Enjoy your trip!” There was no next time. We talked on the phone, texted, and FaceTimed before he passed but I never got that hug.

    Losing him felt so sudden because I just knew he was immortal. I knew I would see him at Christmas, he would shuffle around the house in his slippers, laugh with the biggest smile, and tell the best stories. My emotions have been so up and down. One day I am fine. Other days, it feels like my body is just floating, my brain isn’t attached to my body, and days just merge.
    I know he would want me to keep going and living my life but it is so hard right now. I have been trying to keep my routine, go for walks, “take care of myself” as he would always say.

  • A Guide to Self-Care: Let’s Relax!

    A Guide to Self-Care: Let’s Relax!

    Self-Care
    Photo by Hakan Erenler on Pexels.com

    “Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.”

    Anne Lamott

    Let’s talk self-care! Honestly, it is so easy to forget to take care of yourself. From school, jobs, friendships, relationships, being a parent (if you are one) remembering to put yourself first can be hard. It is very important to find the time and space to take care of yourself. If you do not practice self-care, you will notice an increase in anxiety, distractibility, depression, anger, and fatigue. Ask yourself: If I cannot show up for myself, how do I expect others to? Below are some of my favorite versions of self-care.

    Mani-Pedi’s

    I absolutely love getting my nails and toes done; I can scroll on Pinterest for hours looking at nail designs, and I am even in a nail art group on Facebook. Budgeting keeping my nails done so I am not overspending every pay period helps a lot. What also helps me is once a month getting a gel pedicure and a set of acrylic nails. A gel pedicure to me is always the best way to go because they last so long. Even if you do not like going to the nail salons or it is not in your personal budget, there are other options. Press ons are very quick, easy, and cheap, along with at home pedicures.

    Putting your phone on DO NOT DISTURB

    Want to know the best thing about cell phones? You can put them on do not disturb. My friends and family hate that I always have my phone on do not disturb. There is a rhyme and a reason behind it for me. When my phone is off do not disturb, and vibrates, I feel the immediate need to respond. It can be like a ball and chain personally. It allows me to have the space to respond when I am ready.

    A Morning and Night Routine

    How you start your day and how you end your day is so important. I am in no way saying that every day is perfect and you will stick to your routines; I would be lying if I said that. What is important is attempting to show up for yourself. When you wake up try not to immediately check your phone or email. Take time to breathe, maybe stay in bed for a few extra minutes, make breakfast, or get some sort of exercise in. When I would go for a walk or do some sort of workout before work, my mood was amazing. I did fall off my before work routine for awhile but I am making an effort to get back. Before bed I attempt to have a routine; shower, lather my body with my favorite body oil, brush my teeth, wash my face, and either read, journal, meditate, or watch tv.

    What are some of your versions of self-care?

  • Is Quitting The New Form of Self-Care?

    Is Quitting The New Form of Self-Care?

    Image by mohamed Hassan from Pixabay

    Employees are no longer sacrificing their mental health.

    Thoughts of quiet quitting, loud quitting, and even fantasy quitting occupied many of my friends’ minds after the topic surfaced on social media for a few months. Just last year, my friends and I were fresh out of college and happily running full speed into the business world. However, now they look like disappointed toddlers if the word “work” is even uttered. Sadly, this is the reaction many employees have when discussing their careers.

    Multiple social media users have proudly announced leaving their jobs to enter new fields, some have bluntly quit with no backup plans and others have even celebrated getting fired. Yes, you read that correctly, celebrated being fired! Their reactions have me wondering if quitting is becoming the new form of self-care or even just a desperate moment for a breath of fresh air.

    Growing up my mother would always say, “desperate people, do desperate things.” I never realized the true meaning behind it until that day.

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    My friend called me and said she did the unthinkable, quit! All my friends immediately did a “Deliver Us From Eva” moment. Everyone hurried on the phone to comfort her with words that seemed to be difficult to find. We talked for hours while digging deep into her reasons for quitting. 

    My other friends even talked about their reasons for wanting to quit. We realized everyone’s reasons were no different than the reasons we read online. For them, it was a relief to know they weren’t expecting perfection. I have listed down below poor decisions or experiences that led employees to leave their jobs. 

    1. Lacking A Internship – She contributed to her defeat

    One of my friends admitted that obtaining no prior experience led to her leaving the company. On paper, the job was everything she could have asked for, but the reality was she hated it. She said she felt the company made the position sound sweeter than it was. However, it all boiled down to her not going after an internship for that specific role in college. Instead, she ran after all the wrong things.

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    2. Lack Of Diversity – Companies contribute to the loss of good employees

    It is necessary for every employee to see a reflection of themselves within the company, especially in leadership. I’m not sure how to explain it, but seeing someone that looks like I do, gives me a touch of comfort.

    Example: Watching a Black man or another Black woman in a leadership position gives me a boost of confidence! ! Most importantly, it sets an example of what I can do.

    Refusing Salary Increases – Companies, just lost another one

    I watched a video of Viola Davis speaking about the lack of payment within the acting industry. I have witnessed my friends speak of the lack of pay within their field. The cost of living has risen for Nashville, but jobs are refusing to increase employees’ salaries.

    Employees can not do their best if they’re stressed about paying utilities or rent. It is difficult to focus when something lingers in the back of someone’s head.

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    3. Burn-out – Companies and employers have contributed to this defeat

    According to the world health organization, burnout syndrome is a result of chronic workplace stress that has not been taken care of. It is described in three dimensions: 

    • feelings of energy depletion or exhaustion
    • increased mental distance from one’s job, or feelings of negativism or cynicism related to one’s job
    • reduced professional efficacy.

    Furthermore, these are the significant consequences of burnout:

    • Excessive stress
    • Fatigue
    • Insomnia
    • Sadness, anger, or irritability
    • Alcohol or substance misuse
    • Heart disease
    • High blood pressure
    • Type 2 diabetes
    • Vulnerability to illnesses

    4. A Toxic Workplace – Multiple Factors Contribute

    Signs of a toxic workplace aren’t as obvious as people would believe. These types of workspaces can act like a bad relationship. Toxic behavior from work associates can be difficult to point out if they are accepted in the workplace. Unfortunately, that is how it all starts. My mother has always said, one poisoned piece of fruit has the ability to spoil an entire bowl of fruit if it stays there long enough.

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    A career site, topresume.com, made a list and labeled it as a sign of a toxic workplace. Here it is:

    • High Turnover: When the work environment has nothing good to offer except dysfunction, poor morale, and sickness, colleagues will start heading for the door to find a better situation. If you notice a high turnover rate in your company or department, take that as a sign of a toxic workplace.
    • Cliques, Gossip, and Rumors: Everyone seems to be out for themselves, and there are no genuine friendships among coworkers. There’s lots of infighting and paranoia as well as office gossip and rumors.
    • Narcissistic Leadership: Your higher-ups or boss demand that you always agree with them, tell them they’re right, and feel they’re above the rules. They expect everyone else to be perfect while they can meet lower standards.
    • Little to No Enthusiasm: Look around the office. Does anyone appear to be happy working there? Is anyone ever smiling? If people typically seem downright miserable to be working at the company, you can assume the work environment is toxic.
    • Employee Sickness: Toxic work environments lead to employee burnout, fatigue, and illness due to high levels of stress that wreak havoc on our bodies. If people are calling in sick or worse, are working sick, that’s a good sign of a toxic work environment.
    • Lack of Communication or Negative Communication: You and others don’t get the necessary information to do your job. You work hard with no positive feedback and no recognition, and you might even be told to be glad you have a job at all.
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    I conclude with my belief, letting go of what causes your mental health to decline is self-care; that counts for your job too.

    According to a wellness site, verywellmind.com, self-care has been defined as “a multidimensional, multifaceted process of purposeful engagement in strategies that promote healthy functioning and enhance well-being.”

    An older woman once told me that a great job will have you serving others while still providing you with a level of fulfillment at the end of the day.

  • The Art of Letting Go

    The Art of Letting Go

    close up photo of glowing blue butterflies
    Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

    “Butterflies show us how we can go within ourselves to dissolve old forms and morph, rebuilding and evolving ourselves. They show us the importance of surrender and trust as part of the essential process of growth and renewal.”

    Anna Caridad-Barrett

    This blog post has been something I have wanted to write about for a while. I am going through a transformative phase in my life and this is for the readers who are as well. To transform into our highest selves, we must let go. To let go we must acknowledge what is hindering us… are you ready?

    I want you as the reader to think if you have run from something. Maybe from a person, particular feeling, painful memories? Personally, I have been running from all of the above for some years now. Growing up it was always easy for me to bottle my feelings up and process them on my own. I hated opening up to friends and family because I never felt heard. Unfortunately, yet fortunately, all the emotions and feelings I have been running from started to arise again. This time I knew I could no longer run from the things that have been hindering me since I was a young girl. No matter how far and how fast you run, everything will catch up to you until you face them head-on.

    What are you running from?

    Personally, I was running from feelings of anger, betrayal, disappointment, and hurt from my childhood. I thought the deeper I suppressed certain feelings and memories they would just go away. They do not. Those feelings will always manifest into something bigger until you are ready to handle them head-on. I had an awakening some time ago after a few familiar situations and I knew it was time. At some point in our lives, you get tired of going through the same things. As Albert Einstein said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.” It was time for a much-needed change.

    How can I be better?

    First and foremost, I began therapy. Although I have a degree in Psychology and am a strong advocate for it, that does not mean it is any less uncomfortable. I have to go back to feelings and memories I never wanted to think about or feel again. It is hard because looking back I could not have the capacity to be the best person to people. That is a big regret of mine. There are times I have quit and restarted therapy because quitting and going back to comfortability is so easy. However, I know if I want to see true change and want to heal little Alexis…I have to be uncomfortable to be comfortable. Another driving force behind me wanting to let go is that I want to be a better person. A better person to my friends, and family, and I want to be a mom and wife one day. I do not want to be something people have to heal from.

    “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

    Albert Einstein

    What has helped me.

    What I am starting to notice that has helped me is doing things I loved as a child. I used to be a huge bookworm. I could read a book a day growing up. Recently I started reading again and I have not felt more at home. I invested in a good journal and make it a point at least once a week to be in tune with myself and write down how I have been feeling. Additionally listening to music. I grew up in households that love dancing and music; it has always made me feel good. So every day I make a point to put on music and just dance and be free for a couple of minutes.

    Do not be afraid to ride the wave.

    I want you all to know that healing and letting go is not linear. One day it is easy, it is beautiful, it is sunshine and rainbows. Other days, it is so depressing and ugly. It is crying on your bedroom floor, it is anger from how you were treated, and disappointment in yourself for how you treated others. I want you all to know that both experiences are okay. What matters is that you are trying to be better and things will get better…you have to constantly remind yourself of that.

    Release it all.

    As I end this post, I want you as the reader to think about what you need to let go of. Is it a relationship you know is holding you back from your full potential? Is it your childhood? A friendship that has been draining you? A job you hate? Self-doubt? Whatever it is…the time to release is now. I know it is easier said than done, but imagine how free you will begin to feel when that weight holding you down is off of your shoulders. I am rooting for every one of you and I hope this post resonated with you all.

    Little Alexis Brianna, we have come so far! I love you and promise to make you proud.